You Want to Be Together All the Time: Wonderful or Obsessive?
“Too much of a good thing is wonderful.” — Mae West
Romantic love can feel all-consuming, often compared to addiction because of its powerful focus on another person. Love brings constant thoughts and interactions, but does this mean it’s unhealthy? Should this constant preoccupation be seen as an addiction, or can it actually support your growth and well-being?
Understanding the Debate
“Love is like a drug, and we don’t care about the side effects; we just care about how high we can get.” — Unknown
The term “love addiction” stirs up a lot of discussion. Unlike recognized addictions like substance abuse, love addiction isn’t officially listed in medical guides like the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Instead, related behaviors, such as hypersexuality, are included. The World Health Organization’s ICD-10 also mentions “excessive sexual drive,” yet doesn’t recognize love addiction as its own condition.
Still, there are similarities between love and addiction, like feeling preoccupied or dependent. However, love shouldn’t be seen as harmful if it enriches your life. Constant thoughts of your partner become unhealthy only when they disrupt your ability to grow or maintain balance.
The Path to Flourishing
“How deep is your love?” — The Bee Gees
Flourishing means reaching your potential through meaningful, fulfilling activities. It’s not about short-term pleasure, but about creating a deeper sense of well-being. Aristotle described this as eudaimonia—the pursuit of long-term fulfillment by using your natural abilities. Flourishing is shown to reduce stress, improve immune function, and enhance sleep quality.
Relationships that encourage meaningful shared activities can lead to flourishing. When love deepens personal growth and mutual understanding, it’s healthy. But when it limits other important parts of life, it may become a problem.
Is Wanting Constant Togetherness an Obsession?
“You will always be my endless love.” — Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
Obsession happens when preoccupation becomes unreasonable and harmful. The difference lies in whether these feelings enhance or harm your ability to flourish. True, meaningful love improves your life, while obsession often disrupts it. For example, practicing a skill, like learning an instrument, requires repetition—but repeating something excessively without growth can be damaging.
Healthy love supports shared growth and deeper connections. On the other hand, surface-level relationships, like casual flings or habits such as binge-watching TV, can easily become addictive due to their repetitive and shallow nature. The key difference is depth and personal fulfillment.
Can We Love Too Much?
“I love you much too much.” — Dean Martin
Romantic intensity comes from fleeting, passionate moments, while romantic depth grows over time through meaningful experiences. Passionate love can sometimes blind us to unhealthy behaviors or mismatches, while deeper love supports lasting personal and mutual development.
The desire to frequently spend time with a loved one is natural if the relationship fosters growth and well-being. There’s no specific rule for how much time together is healthy, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of other enriching activities. Excessive attachment that doesn’t allow for individual or shared growth can lead to unhealthy consequences, much like addiction.
Conclusion
“I can’t stop loving you.” — Ray Charles
True love supports personal growth and well-being, while addiction does the opposite. According to Peele and Brodsky in Love and Addiction, addiction arises from shallow, repetitive passion rather than genuine connection. Healthy love encourages partners to engage in meaningful activities that enrich both their lives. Unlike love addiction, which narrows one’s world, profound love expands it.
When approached with balance and depth, love becomes a powerful force for personal development and lasting joy. If you’re looking for guidance in building healthy relationships and fostering personal growth, Willing Ways is here to help with expert advice and support.